Well thought it was about time to remove the 'shrine to Mandy in France and the things we did while I was there' wall - yeah I know, it was probably about time a loooong time ago!
It was built, postcard by postcard, ticket by ticket, phonecard by phonecard, to remind me of all the cool things I did last year, and how much I was loved and wanted. Looking at it used to make me realise how lucky I was.
It still reminds me of how cool things used to be and this. I've been told today, that this is bad - apparently I have to concentrate on all the things that I hated about the relationship. That's the only way to get over it.
I feel like I have less than I had before I started with the whole relationship thingy. I was rather depressed before, as you might remember(!). But then I just hadn't loved and wanted to love so badly. Now I've loved and lost and this is a much much bigger bitch. Most of my readers will know this. Most of you will probably have found the cure to this!
I'd have hoped by now the hurting and stuff will be getting better, but in reality it's getting worse. Much worse. I don't know how to stop it (hence me trying to remove all physical reminders of the good side from my vision!)
It's sad that the only person who I really really want to talk about it all to is the same one who's caused me to feel like this in the first place - but then talking about it with her isn't really going to solve anything, it's just going to make everything a whole can of whoop ass worse I'd imagine! I wish that I could talk to her and she could do to me what I did to her when we talked earlier this year when she thought she had nothing and stuff. But, then back then she did have something, she had me, and I'd have done anything for her.
In other not-depressing at all news, I've spent the evening by the lake singing songs and listening to a guitar with the house of girlies. It was fun and took my mind of all the depressing crap. Now I'm home and all depressed again! I don't like being by myself.
One of the songs we sang nearly made me cry...
Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate
But all I can think of is you
Well, the phone don't ring cause my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
Got the TV on
Cause the radio's playing songs that remind me of you
Baby when you're gone
I realize I'm in love
Days go on and on
And the nights just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good
Drink ain't doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong
Baby when you're gone
Oh, back to the depressing crap again. I could go on and on, but I won't...
Si tu viens, par exemple, à quatre heures de l'après-midi, dès trois heures je commencerai d'être heureux.Le Petit Prince
If only.